During the course of my discussion with her I told her she should come back and visit us next time. To avoid that family if nothing else. She went on to tell me that she will come visit one day but is saving her money to to go to Japan. Well I must say I have always wanted to go to Japan. I am rather jealous. It occurred to me that the only thing keeping me from going is time and money. Both of which I can come up with if I plan things out appropriately. For a long time I gave up on any idea that I might be able to do something like this type of trip. I had too many obligations that felt like weights holding me back from what I wanted to do. Most of them were self imposed and some were not. But now that I have an opportunity to re-invent myself I am going to go after this sort of thing. I have one earthly obligation in my life right now.
My kids! They are wonderful. I love them more than I can put into words. They are great but they will eventually move on to their own lives. If I live for them, when they are gone I will have nothing. As many people who know me can tell you I am in no immediate danger of this event. I have many irons in the fire, to coin a phrase. Martial Arts, Private Investigator, Writing, Reading, Travel. I was able to got to Seattle in August to attend a great seminar hosted by Kris Wilder. It was great. I enjoyed Seattle so much I want to go back. I have even thought about living in that area once my kids are off doing their own thing.
Then it hit me. My kids being old enough to wander off to college or whatever path they choose seemed to be years away, many years. Far enough as to not be much to consider even. A few days ago it occurred to me that my youngest is about to turn 10 years old. That means that Emma has only 8 more years to be at home. 8 years may seem like a long time to some people. It is not. Considering the fact that I feel like my kids were just born a few years ago and I am about to have a 13 and 10 year old at home. Time where I need to be there for my kids in a leadership role is going to go fast. I will always be there for them. For that matter I really like my kids. After High School I may move to Seattle and if they want to go with me I can see that being a nice little adventure for one or both of them. If they wanted to go. I am pretty sure Conner will want to go. He went with me on the trip in August and I think he loved it as much as I did.
All this to say that I have created hurdles that keep me from what I have always wanted. Now many of those hurdles are visible for what they really are... Excuses to keep me away from risk. To keep me safe and give me excuses not to work hard for what will really make me happy. I do not want to be safe anymore. It is time to step out. Bigger than I have so far.
As mentioned before I am fairly accomplished. I am goal driven and always have been. I do not say all this to brag but just to point out that despite my being goal driven and a list maker I have failed to do everything I have ever want to do. I do not like it and it is time it changed. I think my next post is going to be a bucket list. I will try to show some of the things I have already accomplished from my list and some of the things I want still to accomplish. I would welcome a similar list from all of you in the comments of the next post.